bad bad halfboiled old life turned into a hardboiled one

As the days goes by my head feels like a dying sandwich  and a dying person i wish one day i can fulfill my wishes so that i can be happy and theres a reason  why i am not dying my ........blood  keeps me alive if i wash  it away i might die the chances of me dying is 71 percent.when i have fulfill my wish i am the best there is the bes there was the best there ever will be i stick to this code because i believe in my dreams and that i can achieve them . im already planning ahead with two steps ahead of my family and friends and im not going to look back again again into my past if i do that it will only lead me 2 my death. Even though im planning 2 die when i am married i plan not 2 marry and when i die ill die with a smiling laugh. Nothing in the world matters now if my family are arguing im gonna back down unless i am involved then ill hit back. I hope i can make my mum and dad happy before i die but know this i also wanna make a certain someone happy before i touch my grave and also my grandma happy before she goes into heaven. I wasnt able 2 make my dads mum happy before she touch her grave.